As A Mother...

   As I have mention before I didn't necessarily grow up in what some would call a "normal" home. Growing up, all I wanted was to grow up and have a "normal" American family... I didn't have any goals or ambitions, other than to graduate high school (which was few and far between in my family). I had my first child a couple months before my eighteenth birthday. When I had my second daughter, Jenna I suffered from postpartum depression, to the point of contemplating suicide. I felt I could never be a good enough parent for our daughters... At this time, we were highly involved in church, reading my bible everyday and praying. I was doing everything I was suppose to be doing as a christian. I still couldn't shake this... I just continued to push towards God and eventually I came out of the "fog".
    Mother's Day is supposed to be of joy and celebrating as a mom. Even up to this year (2012), Mother's Day has been miserable for me. I was reminded of how I grew up and my unforgiveness towards my mom and Satan most def didn't have a problem criticizing me as a parent. I began to search my heart and pray, "God, help me to be a better mom..." As I was relaxing in the tub one night, God began revealing and pointing out that I was a good mom! One of the things he showed me was the fact anytime my job had come in between me or my girls, I quit. My children, their well being, and discipline means the world to me.
    I have a lot of respect for the moms who work full time for a living! O' my goodness, I cant even go the weekend without both my girls! I would rather do without all the 'extras' in life and be there for my girls to make sure they are getting love and being watched over than work full time and have all the extras in life. God will provide all our needs...
    I used to home school but it wasn't until I realized that I was doing it for all the wrong reasons. I didn't have full trust and confidence in God. I've got to trust God and know that He will take care of them when I am away. Maybe I am 'over protective' or "obsessed"?? But I do love my girls! I am not perfect and make mistakes, but I know that's one thing my girls wont grow up with and thats not feeling loved.. I will continue to press into God and grow as a mother. I will never be perfect but I've learned.. I am a good mother.