Roots

My pastor has said so many times, "We all want to be accepted!" that is SO true. No matter who you are or your background, we all want somebody or group to want us to be around, want to spent time with us, or want our help.

What if you've got an interview at a new job?! As exciting as it can be, what if they don't hire you?! You can and may feel rejected.. Or as many have put in application to a particular school or college, what if they don't accept you? Are you going to dwell or move on? Many questions and feeling may race through your head..Another example might be as many of us have or will face, when our boyfriend/girlfriend 'bring us home' to meet the parents, so many questions arise "what if they don't like me?" or "what will they think of me?". These or you may have had your own questions that have raced through your head, but we all experience rejection at some point and want acceptance.

On that note, trying to keep up with my in laws bouncing around between all their personalities trying to get them to "accept" me, like me, and wanting them to 'know' that I was/am good for my 'future' husband, I was going 'stir crazy'... Once I became a christian really didn't make it any easier for me considering nearly none of them were Christians or didn't even seem to have the desire to be apart of Gods life the way I did. Just another thing we didn't have in common. After much debating and six and a half years of marriage to 'this' family, I cracked! As if I had lost my mind, dumped all this on my poor husband, squalling and not sleeping for a couple nights, one Sunday morning my pastor said something that would change my outlook forever!! (Paraphrasing)... 'If its not God or your spouse who cares what anyone thinks... if they are negative just DON'T be around them!!' WOW, it was like the clouds opened up and the angels sang!! That spoke to me right where I was!

I am sure God tried to tell me this SO many times before but until I really sought after Him and asked Him questions such as, "why don't they like me?!", "what am I doing wrong?!" that's when my full attention was on Him and I stopped doing it in myself and I could hear what He had been trying to tell me all along. Furthermore, in the midst of dumping all my feelings on my awesome hubby's lap, he asked "why does my moms opinion matter?" that's when I began seeking God and asking Him my questions.

Getting back on track, when my pastor made that statement and I finally heard, I began making plans and focusing on my relationship with God, my husband, and our children. I used to spend so much time and energy into trying to get a couple people to accept me I was neglecting my spiritual life and one-on-one time with my daughters because, I was always down at my in laws home trying to 'reel in' some brownie points! Once I began separating myself, limiting time at there house and so forth, the question my husband asked me continued to ring in my ears... why does it matter what my in law opinion is?.. I kept asking myself.

While sitting in one of our Wednesday night services at church, it hit me like a ton of bricks! The reason I have an issue with acceptance, which is really what it boils down to, is because I've been rejected my whole life! Once the Holy Spirit revealed that to me it couldn't have been any clearer! That was the root of the problem! It made total sense!

Every problem we 'deal' with has a root and until we get rid of the root it will continue to 'grow' and find a way back into our life's, ultimately severing our relationship with our Father and also robbing us of the joy and wonderful life God has called us to have. If we pray God will reveal the root of the problem to us no matter what it is. Ultimately at the end of the day, God just wants to be close to us, nothing separating us from Him. God has already accepted you just the way you are!

I do still struggle with acceptance from people in general but something else God's shown me, I havent fully been healed from my childhood. I just need to continue to press into Him and accept healing and thats when I will be free from any and all issues of rejection! God is the answer and He's already accepted you, now lets pray that that nothing is seperating us from Him... He's chosen you for great and mighty things!

Faithfulness

 Its amazing when you get your life right, and you may even have to give up friends and step back from family for Him. God honors that.. He will opens doors, doors of opportunity. He will make a way for you no one can make for you.. Rev. 3:8 (NKJV)“I know your works. See, I have set before you an open door, and no one can shut it;^[a] for you have a little strength, have kept My word, and have not denied My name.

He is amazing & faithful to His word. He loves us.. I am not afraid of losing friends because they dont wanna 'hang out' with me because of my faith, believe in & trust God. Thats their loss and their foolishness... but I am still there for them and love them...

Love Is Real

I never really understood what love was...
I had heard 1Cor 13:4 before but to me it just wasn't 'clicking'.. In growing up I had a hard time expressing love.. I couldn't even tell my mom "Love you too" when getting off the phone... When I met my husband and he began saying 'I love you' I never said it back. Of course he felt confused 'cause he wasn't sure how I felt... I didn't know how to express love.

   When we began coming to church, people would say 'I love you' all the time! In my mind, I was like 'How can they say that?? They don't even know me!!!' But love isn't conditional, its not "oh I know you, your worthy of love".. I couldn't understand that you could genuinely love a stranger.. that was unfathomable to me. Jn 4:8 (amp), "He who does not love has not become acquainted with God [does not and never did know Him], for God is love."
 
   Since I didn't understand love, it was hard for me to understand that God really loved me & I was worthy of love. I think most of us probably have 'twisted' sense of love and what that is. I had a hard time understand the concept 'God is love', what does that mean?! I couldn't wrap my mind around it. Its ultimately, everything God is, His actions, everything He did, everything He stood for is Love..

  In turn, since I had a 'warped' sense of love I couldn't fully express love to my husband OR my kids... I had been hurt SO much it was hard for me to open myself, its vulnerability. I admit, at times I still have a hard time just loving on my kids. Its not that I don't love them but I wasn't 'loved on' a lot growing up therefore for me its a learned behavioral pattern. I want to be a loving person, physically towards my family but its starts with me. Most of the time I have to conscientiously make a point to love on my kids. I'm trying my best to break this cycle. I've learned too, its OK to be vulnerable sometimes. People are gonna hurt you and a lot of times its not intentional but we all receive differently and depending on the season your in depends on how you receive what people will say to you and their actions towards you.

   

Love is in everything. Love is all around us. Love is everywhere. Your actions, your words reflect love.... Fore what overflows outta your will come out your mouth..

Love is Compassion

Love.
The word love has been ringing in my ears for the past two weeks! Love for God, Love for my husband/children, Love for people... Compassion has been stirred up on the inside of me! My personal belief is you cant be a 'true' christian without compassion. Leviticus 18:19 (amp), "You shall not take revenge or bear any grudge against the sons of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord."

Love & compassion go hand in hand.
Love:1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person (dictionary.com).
Compassion:1. a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.(dictionary.com). Compassion most definitely sounds like Love to me!!

God has most definitely given me a vision to open a homeless shelter. I have compassion for the homeless. I've realized (through prayer) homelessness is a mindset. So many people need to be taught! I'm not necessarily talking about 'academics' but their mindset. I do believe a lot of it is 'learned behavior'... a lot of them just need love. Someone to be there, to show they care!

Love.
Revolution: a sudden, complete or marked change in something. (dictionary.com)
We most def need a LOVE(compassionate)REVOLUTION. And its starts with one person at a time. Allow God to ignite the fire on the inside of you and lets start a wild fire of LOVE & COMPASSION!!

As A Mother...

   As I have mention before I didn't necessarily grow up in what some would call a "normal" home. Growing up, all I wanted was to grow up and have a "normal" American family... I didn't have any goals or ambitions, other than to graduate high school (which was few and far between in my family). I had my first child a couple months before my eighteenth birthday. When I had my second daughter, Jenna I suffered from postpartum depression, to the point of contemplating suicide. I felt I could never be a good enough parent for our daughters... At this time, we were highly involved in church, reading my bible everyday and praying. I was doing everything I was suppose to be doing as a christian. I still couldn't shake this... I just continued to push towards God and eventually I came out of the "fog".
    Mother's Day is supposed to be of joy and celebrating as a mom. Even up to this year (2012), Mother's Day has been miserable for me. I was reminded of how I grew up and my unforgiveness towards my mom and Satan most def didn't have a problem criticizing me as a parent. I began to search my heart and pray, "God, help me to be a better mom..." As I was relaxing in the tub one night, God began revealing and pointing out that I was a good mom! One of the things he showed me was the fact anytime my job had come in between me or my girls, I quit. My children, their well being, and discipline means the world to me.
    I have a lot of respect for the moms who work full time for a living! O' my goodness, I cant even go the weekend without both my girls! I would rather do without all the 'extras' in life and be there for my girls to make sure they are getting love and being watched over than work full time and have all the extras in life. God will provide all our needs...
    I used to home school but it wasn't until I realized that I was doing it for all the wrong reasons. I didn't have full trust and confidence in God. I've got to trust God and know that He will take care of them when I am away. Maybe I am 'over protective' or "obsessed"?? But I do love my girls! I am not perfect and make mistakes, but I know that's one thing my girls wont grow up with and thats not feeling loved.. I will continue to press into God and grow as a mother. I will never be perfect but I've learned.. I am a good mother.

Life Of An Everday Mom: Beauty In The Eye of The Beholder?? (Testimony)

Life Of An Everday Mom: Beauty In The Eye of The Beholder?? (Testimony):    I didn't necessarily grow up in what some would consider a "normal" home....(whatever normal is?!) I was raised by a single mom. The ONLY...

Beauty In The Eye of The Beholder?? (Testimony)

   I didn't necessarily grow up in what some would consider a "normal" home....(whatever normal is?!) I was raised by a single mom. The ONLY person I really looked up to criticized me for everything & I mean everything!!So,I was criticized a lot... everything I did or said, seemed to not be good enough... My mom worked quite a bit and I never felt she was there for like she should have been. I wanted to kill myself at the age of seven and attempted to by drinking cough syrup when no one was home.. and had several thoughts of wanting to slit my wrist...I didnt know why or what it was called (suicide) just "knew" I wasnt 'good enough' to be alive (ultimate lies of satan!)! Into my teenage years I was VERY insecure with absolutely NO self confidence. If a guy wasn't given me a second look or seemed "interested" than I was ugly. So, to me.. I was ugly all the time!
     After meeting my husband at age 16, becoming involved in church, having kids,learning and growing..(8 years later) I still struggle with self confidence and self worth. I know who I am in Christ but cant 'wrap' my mind around it... It's like it hasn't 'clicked' yet. So, I take it day by day.. waking up and looking in the mirror telling myself "I AM BEAUTIFUL!!" not because my husband or some other man or woman says or thinks so but because, I was created by Christ and Christ/Jesus/God/the Holy Spirit/Jehovah... doesn't make mistakes... He cant!!
     To every woman out there that may struggle with this.."Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised".(Prov. 31:30) This is a verse I live by... continually renewing my mind... We cant rely on feelings but of the truth! The truth is.. as I am, as YOU ARE, we are beautiful! For me, its constantly renewing my mind everyday with the word. I promise if you lack in confidence or self worth. Rely on the truth and I promise you... You will be a new lady/woman before you know it. Fight satan's lies ('you're ugly', 'not good enough', 'not as pretty as 'so n so') with the truth! It goes back to PROVERBS 31 read this day in and day out. Get this on the inside of you... I promise, you will overcome those trials and be looking in the mirror at a new woman! One of my favorite sayings, "KEEP YA HEAD UP!"